Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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