i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
