just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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