4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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