in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
