Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
