apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
