woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Randomize
