is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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