I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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