Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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