im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
im holly from the hills drunk
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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