Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
