I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
