This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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