You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
