the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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