Sober January is a disaster.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
