Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
she peed on how many people?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
