Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
