She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
My hand turned me down
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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