when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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