Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
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Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
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I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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