pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
