I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
