Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
