What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
