took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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