i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Randomize
