Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
