Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
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I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
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For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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