Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Ketchup is God's man juice
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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