dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
