Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
