He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
