some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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