so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
