fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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