WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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