Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
ugly people sure do ruin things
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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