Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
