If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
