Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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