I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
