Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
