why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
