You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
