yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
