im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
