I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
