he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
