Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
