Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize
