I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
