I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
We are all done wearing pants today
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
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