uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Alive.
So much puke
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Randomize
