i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
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We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize