I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
