this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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