From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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