woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
